How to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty

This topic is one that most of us struggle with on a daily basis. From a friend needing help with the kids, to the boss requiring you to stay back, the guilt that is associated with saying ‘no’ is so great that we tend to mitigate this by responding with ‘sure, I can help you with that’.

The meaning of ‘no’ is the refusal of permission, a proposal or suggestion. However, when we feel guilt, we experience the feeling of unhappiness and some, to the extent where we have a moment of sickness. If you actually look up the meaning of guilt it is due to causing harm to others. So why do we feel guilt when saying no? It is because we feel that by saying no the person receiving this information will feel disappointment, taken aback, worried or upset. However, by saying no, you are NOT causing harm to others. At worst, you may force them to reconsider their course of action. Ultimately, by saying no, it show’s strength, confidence, composure and conviction.

Those who continue to say ‘yes’ will become one of 2 things:

• Burn out; or

• Become a ‘yes’ person. A ‘yes’ person lacks self-confidence, is seen to be compliant and unable to handle confrontation. Being unable to verbalise your needs opens you up to a precedence of becoming a push over.  

What can I do to mitigate this?

1. Stand your ground. Say ‘no’. If you wish to provide an explanation, do so, however do not feel pressured.

2. If you keep saying ‘yes’, you are effectively going to put yourself in a corner were you are unable to provide quality outcomes due to the volume of work. Do you really want to be known as someone who can’t provide quality outcomes?

3. Self-care; schedule time in for yourself. Your mental wellbeing is just as important as your physical.

4. Suggest an alternative; is there another person who can action this request or can this be actioned at a later time or date?

5. Take your time; you can always take your time to consider the request. Don’t feel pressured to make the decision on the spot because some requests deserve you full attention and consideration.

Remember: you are in control of your actions and outcomes. It is up to you.

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